Crank: High Voltage Movie Review
By Christian Toto http://whatwouldtotowatch.com/
Remember that trailer for the “Crank” sequel, the one that made you feel like you’d fail a drug test after watching it?
“Crank: High Voltage” is even more frenetic than you expect. Dumber than dumb. Crazier than crazy. And chock full of fun before it, ironically, runs out out juice. “Shoot ‘em Up” looks like “The Remains of the Day” by comparison. Jason Statham returns as Chev Chelios, who starts the movie by dropping from the sky, landing on top of a car and, of course, surviving.
He’s captured by Chinese thugs who remove his heart and leave him with an artificial ticker. Seems his organs are in demand given his ability to withstand all sorts of punishment - and walk away without a scratch.
Chelios escapes before doctors can snip away any more vital parts, and the chase is officially on to reclaim his “strawberry tart.”
Yes, the movie stops cold to explain Chelios-speak.
But Chelios needs to keep recharging his fake heart in order to stay alive … and pummel the guys who took it. “Crank: High Voltage” is so over the top in so many ways you’ll need an abacus just to keep score. It’s doesn’t just dabble in racial stereotypes, it implodes them until they litter the screen.
Co-star Amy Smart doesn’t simply bare her breasts, she has sex with Chelios in the middle of a race track - and that’s before her stripping scene and grrrl power fight with a mulleted ex-beau. Her wardrobe for the film could fit on a single hanger.
Country crooner Dwight Yoakam somehow fares worse, especially when he’s asked to emote while sitting on the commode. He’s either a good sport, or he lost a really embarrassing bet.
Writer/directors Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor slice and dice the footage, use split screens when the mood strikes and cobble together the action sequences as if they were just as juiced as Chelios. It’s not for the squeamish - or for those with even a smidge of moral righteousness. Everyone else will enjoy roughly 50 minutes of sheer adrenaline. But Neveldine and Taylor run out of card tricks long before Chelios and his tart can be reunited, and the final moments are ugly without the benefit of wit, humor or even the kind of excess that made the preceding scenes feel so liberating.
Remember that trailer for the “Crank” sequel, the one that made you feel like you’d fail a drug test after watching it?
“Crank: High Voltage” is even more frenetic than you expect. Dumber than dumb. Crazier than crazy. And chock full of fun before it, ironically, runs out out juice. “Shoot ‘em Up” looks like “The Remains of the Day” by comparison. Jason Statham returns as Chev Chelios, who starts the movie by dropping from the sky, landing on top of a car and, of course, surviving.
He’s captured by Chinese thugs who remove his heart and leave him with an artificial ticker. Seems his organs are in demand given his ability to withstand all sorts of punishment - and walk away without a scratch.
Chelios escapes before doctors can snip away any more vital parts, and the chase is officially on to reclaim his “strawberry tart.”
Yes, the movie stops cold to explain Chelios-speak.
But Chelios needs to keep recharging his fake heart in order to stay alive … and pummel the guys who took it. “Crank: High Voltage” is so over the top in so many ways you’ll need an abacus just to keep score. It’s doesn’t just dabble in racial stereotypes, it implodes them until they litter the screen.
Co-star Amy Smart doesn’t simply bare her breasts, she has sex with Chelios in the middle of a race track - and that’s before her stripping scene and grrrl power fight with a mulleted ex-beau. Her wardrobe for the film could fit on a single hanger.
Country crooner Dwight Yoakam somehow fares worse, especially when he’s asked to emote while sitting on the commode. He’s either a good sport, or he lost a really embarrassing bet.
Writer/directors Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor slice and dice the footage, use split screens when the mood strikes and cobble together the action sequences as if they were just as juiced as Chelios. It’s not for the squeamish - or for those with even a smidge of moral righteousness. Everyone else will enjoy roughly 50 minutes of sheer adrenaline. But Neveldine and Taylor run out of card tricks long before Chelios and his tart can be reunited, and the final moments are ugly without the benefit of wit, humor or even the kind of excess that made the preceding scenes feel so liberating.
Labels: Crank High Voltage Jason Statham Christian Toto Movie Review
posted by Ron Futrell at
5:24 PM
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